Thursday, January 24, 2008

Love stories vs. Romance stories, a guys perspective

My buddy Fetz had posted about enjoying the Gilmore Girls, one of his commenters mentioned that it takes a secure guy to mention he likes chick flicks along with this show.

Not to go into particulars about the show beyond it's well-written, but in effort to delineate between the concepts of love and romance really came to mind why us guys can put up with one while the other we maybe looking for a fork to poke out our eyes because they stink.

First off, Christian men have the benefit of the Holy Bible explaining what love is and what it isn't. If I remember what my dad told me there is at least three different concepts of love in the original Greek language. John Eldridge has addressed the concept of love from a male perspective in Wild at Heart where he discusses a man's heart needs adventure and needs a beauty to fight for.

The original 3:10 to Yuma is a good example of this where Dan has to embark on an adventure to keep his family solvent, but in the end being reminded that a man does the right thing even if it's going to cost him.

As far as the brotherly love goes a great example of this would be *61. The plot maybe about the 1961 Season of Roger Maris, but it is a story of the respect two guys have for each other. Also, you can see the love of Billy Crystal coming through the film for these two guys that were his heroes growing up.

Where romance stories make us guys sick really revolves around the idea of women will settle until the grass is greener. Movies that show people 'finding love' in spite of swearing an oath before God is a romance story. Movies like the Good Girl or How Stella Got her Grove back aren't love stories, they are based on emotions...something that all guys can't really grasp because love is a commitment not a hollow feeling, even if that is Tina Turner's experience with the concept.

While women seam to use the terms interchangeably, guys don't have that ability leading to the complaint that us guys don't do romantic things (ie the obligatory flowers every so often). There is a Norwegian joke that unfortunately sums up love for us guys.

Lena ask Ole, "Why don't you tell me you love me anymore?"
Ole responded, "I told you once that I did, if it changes I'll let you know."

I'm not saying us guys are right with this attitude, but abstract thought
isn't really our strong suit. Telling someone we love them for a guy is a
concrete concept, it's an oath to treat a woman the way God expects us to...we sometimes loose sight of it though.

Honestly, I can watch a love story like the Notebook, but a film where it shows a woman pining away for a guy she will never get is a waste of time for me along for most guys.

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